Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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