And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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