She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
