I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
