OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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