I feel great
I just peed on a car
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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