Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
