Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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