i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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