oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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