Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
