I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
