oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
