is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
