that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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