Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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