If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
