WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
