my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
