he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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