He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
