He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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