Do you still have your period?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
