You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
