All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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