so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
