Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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