i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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