All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
