I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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