i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
