I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
