4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
