I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
