I met the friendliest cop last night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
