This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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