Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
