chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
