she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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