Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
