Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
