First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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