Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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