Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
