all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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