I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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