I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
