That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
