good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
