There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
