Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
