This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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