I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
