Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
