life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
