Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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