I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
