Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
