Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
