:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
