yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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