Will you blow on my dice?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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