The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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