I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just puked most of my soul out..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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