I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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