If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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