You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
