do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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