just come out here and I will go home with you...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
