i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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