ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
