I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
