shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
