dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
