a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
