its not stalking. its research.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
