Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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