her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
