...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
