I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
