the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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