I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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