then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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